big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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