Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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