is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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