She just used a chaser for red wine.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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