Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i need some magic done to my vagina
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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