Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
