The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
