Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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