Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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