While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
