Plan B is the new Plan A
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
