I need to stop coming to work sober
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
