hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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