I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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