Don't EVER smell your tampon
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
