You made me cry and you don't even care
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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