I wish my penis had an off switch
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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