He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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