Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
