Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
