I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
