I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
