Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
