can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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