i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
