Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
