Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
