You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
