just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
