i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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