Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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