before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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