got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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