Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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