dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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