I heard we made out
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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