She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize