i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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