I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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