let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
