Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
