Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
