What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
