I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just pee around me
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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