where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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