Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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