Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
