it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
