Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
