he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
