The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
