Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
