he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
