She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
