The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
