You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
