Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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