i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
