hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
