ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
