So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
