last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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