Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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