the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
