I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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