census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
