now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you win again, gameday.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I deserve this hangover.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
