I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
