Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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