So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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