i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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